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& ur welcome.

fuck it. be a mess.


I’m experiencing this intense sadness.

The sadness you feel when you realize that Christmas will never be as sweet as it was as a child.

The sadness you feel when the sun sets in the winter afternoon.

The sadness you feel when your comfort movie is now considered a period piece.

The sadness you feel when you eat the last Oreo in the box.

The sadness you feel when you return to your hometown and it’s now the place where you grew up rather than your primary home.

The sadness you feel when you realize that even the worst memories you had as a child are still rosier than the best days as an adult.




It’s a melancholy sadness. It’s a periwinkle sadness full of hues you can only find in a gray seaside town. It’s like a cloud that ominously and simply hovers over you as you grocery shop and pretend to be friendly as you run into your third grade teacher. No matter how many walks you take, beds you make, afternoons napping, number of pajamas you wear; the cloud still remains. The only way for the cloud to go away is for it to rain. You blow on the cloud hoping that it will recognize your worry and respect you enough to gently float away. But it remains. It stares as you as you challenge it and say, “you will leave on my terms.” however, deep down you know, no it will not. You are not in charge of the cloud, but better yet must find peace with it’s existence. It is a part of you, after all. So let it rain. Let the sprinkle progress into a storm. And at it’s peak, a hurricane rages on and all you can do is dance. Dance as the cloud downpours on you. Steal breaths through the wall of water. Jump in the puddles and scream with all your might. Whether or not you want the cloud to be there, it will hear your screams and cries. It will listen to you. It will continue to rain until it is spent. Then once the cloud dissipates, a sun will slowly creep into your view. The warmth of its friendly existence will redden your cheeks and dust you with freckles. Before you know it, your breathing will go back to a steady pace. And when your ready, a smile will find a home back on your face.


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