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& ur welcome.

fuck it. be a mess.

Updated: Jan 4, 2022

New year, new me. What a load of bullshit.

This year, 2022, is the same year as the past two, and slightly more pessimistic me.

I didn’t always used be like this. In high school I prided myself on my optimism. My senior quote was about looking on the bright side. And to make it even worse- i found that shit on pinterest. PINTEREST.

Now my 22 quote would be- life can be dull so don’t take advantage of the shiny times.

Usually I get really into the new year. It’s the time of year that my period always resets so naturally I’m cranky leading up to Jan 1st. But whenever it hits 12 and the new year is official, all of my shitty attitude and annoyances seem to fade away and I am but a new person.

Since I was nine I’ve spent New Years at my best friend’s place. She’s hispanic so it’s a night full of adopted traditions.

When the ball drops, what follows is cheersing with my friends as we down a flute of champagne, thoughtfully eating 12 grapes, all while holding a potato and watching people kiss in my periphery.

Every year I seem to have the same resolutions and wishes: to get fit, make money, and find love. However, this year felt different. I already know what things I want to work on- make money and get fit. But the urgency to find love isn’t what it was.

That wish always gets me to romanticize the upcoming years. I start off strong with the rose colored glasses that always eventually get stripped from their color by february. Instead of a rosey world, it’s distorted greens, blues, and browns.

Over the years, I’ve learned to enjoy staring at the green sky, the blue buildings, and the brown sun as they emerge from a monochromatic rosy world. Makes things more interesting. That’s why this year I’m embracing the inevitable dull coloring full on. Keep the expectation low so that by the next December 31st I’m not so reminiscent of the few rosy times trying to convince myself that my entire year was full of them.

In fact, most of the best times in my life are hues outside the warm rose. They come unexpectedly. They shift my coloring and introduce new colors into my perception. Sure, they come with anger, loss, and frustration, but somehow whenever I think back to those times they look as rosy as ever.

For example, it was senior year of high school. A friend of mine passed away tragically and took my entire grade by surprise. That monday when we came back to school, we spent the entire day together. We painted his parking spot as we listened to music and ate snacks. Every hour it seemed like someone went out to grab things for the group- whether it was

coffee or even couches from our lounge. There was no place any of us would rather be than with each other huddled around a parking space. That was a pure rose moment.

So here’s to 2022. A year full of colorful experiences and rose tinted memories.

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